Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we have officially lost it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Houston, we have a squirter
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You need a sexual gate keeper
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
