john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
