i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
