Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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