Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
