My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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