The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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