you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
