Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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