I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
