just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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