did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
