I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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