K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
