just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
