Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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