I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
