Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
