He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
