We got so high we made milksteak
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
