I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
