I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
