Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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