would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
