Heybabeimwearingurpanties
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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