ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
