Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
