she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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