god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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