did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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