Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
