Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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