I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Pants are for mortals
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
