i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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