Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I will be naked everywhere
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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