i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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