She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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