im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
