I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
