you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
