I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
