K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My balls are so social today.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
