Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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