I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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