I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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