I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
