the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
