Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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