so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
