He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
