Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
