i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
