I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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