So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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