i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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