Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
